Allowing Every Moment of 2012 to Teach

Bringing light, or learning to every moment sounds easy enough, but I certainly have a particular attitude when I am faced with the more challenging feelings of anger or pain and usually run away either physically, emotionally or mentally. 

However, the real strength arises when I meet the uncomfortable times with no resistance or  story of how 'this should not' be this way.

Pema Chodren has said:
…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”

2012 will be a breakthrough year by taking on the practice of allowing to open up to meet the challenges of a fast changing world.  By not getting stuck in only allowing the happy, or sweet, I allow the freedom of my human experience to inform me and develop my response verses reaction.

On this path, my friends and family around me get a kind of freedom from my opinions, and judgements of how they should be. It's a selfish path to take, as my hope is to give myself freedom from the constant inner monologue of judgements, criticisms, and upsets.  It is my declaration for 2012.

I like the thought of Buddha:

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.”

Bringing a New Sense of Self to 2012

A new sense of self, might not be so new.  It just might be one of being a warrior of service our earth, our humanity and to our life.

I've been watching a TV show called: The Universe.  It is quite interesting, as it teaches on Super Novas, Other  Galaxies, Black Holes, Black Energy, Alien Moons and the like. 

In watching it, I got present to  how precious our life and planet really are.  How unique, not singular, but unique. 

We get so distracted by the day to day upsets, family feuds, angers, and economic concerns that the preciousness of our planet is the last thing we think about.  I mean why should we be concerned about our planet when our mortgage is due!  Ya know?

I pose the question, what if we could allow ourselves to be, to release our struggles, and judgements, too forced positive or forceful  negative thinking.  What if we allowed ourselves to be, with all the stuff that is going on around us and not add any aggression, or temper, or anger to the situation?  It could be a challenge, as one thinks about all the perfectly justified frustrations with the times we are cut off on the freeway, or someone steals from us or our friends, or the next case of violence that  flares in the world.  What if we could be someone that didn't add to the drama?

What would that provide?
Maybe that could be a warrior in service to the earth. To allow ourselves the freedom from getting entangled with the violent voices that can seem to get so much air time, and the soft voices of love that seem to go unnoticed.

Maybe by adding a neutral space could be one thing our earth needs.  That neutral space that is there to be of service.  Like keeping our head when all around us are losing theirs.  There is an enormous power there.

Choosing Happiness Now

Choosing to be happy now, takes courage and strength.  I don't always have that kind of courage.
I notice I run from discomfort, negative remarks and comments, I run from challenging someones opinion, if it is different from mine.  I have heretofore called that behavior allowing them to think that way, who am I to say...
But rather than make me stronger, that has made me weaker.  There is a big difference in running away from negativity, and just being with it.  Not agreeing with or disagreeing with, but just being there.

There is something infinitely courageous and strengthening about allowing.  It develops an inner strength, that becomes unshakable and as Viktor Frankel says " A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth -- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss."
If you don't know, Viktor Frankel spent WWII in a Nazi Concentration camp, was beaten, starved and robbed.  For him to discover that people can take every freedom from you except your thoughts, one has to admit he walked his talk.
So, the real possibility becomes "if he can, I can'.

Here is to love and happiness, circumstances be dammed!

Untying the Knotted Mind

Maybe our biggest challenge is untying the knot of self-deception, and make no mistake, it is a tangled knot we inherited from our parents and ancestors.

The more I read of the 'great' beings that have blessed our history and some that are publishing books in our generation, the more I am amazed by the commitment of 'normal' society to keep us asleep, unaware and unconscious to the miracle resting within each of us.

In every spiritual tradition there is at least one who kept saying, you too can connect to the power of our world and inherit it's wealth, or love or health, and yet we continually struggle with these very issues.  Where is the disconnect?  Why all the struggle? 

I can only answer that from my very limited experience of dealing with my brainwashed mind, from my life.  I have seen myself effortlessly produce results, and right after that moment, fear grips my mind "How did I do that?"  "Did I do that?" "Can I ever do it again?"  and right there I stuff my power, in my socks, basically.  I both fear power and fear the demands of a life devoted to what JF Kennedy Jr said, "To whom much is given much is required"  Ouch!  I don't want the demands of expectations, and ever challenging tasks.  Again, right there I push my power, in my socks.

So, to come to terms with the self-deceptions, suppression, ego trips (both to "I'm so great" to the other country "I suck") and addictions to playing small.  That is a one step at a time, one intention at a time, one prayer at a time ordeal.  There is no fast road, no e-z path, just focus, trust and action. 

Well, that's the path I've been on.

Powerfully Complete 2011

We are coming to a close of 2011, which means it is the beginning of 2012.  But how to create 2012 as something unique, self-expressed and joyful, and not just an extension of 2011, or 2010 or 2009?

The real secret is by coming to terms of what happened in 2011.  Tell the truth of the ups and the downs that happened in the year.

What did you succeed at?  Where did you fall short of your goals?  What regrets to you have?  What accomplishments?

The trick is to be ruthlessly honest with yourself.  In the book, "Think and Grow Rich"  by Napoleon Hill, it gives you a ruthless Self-Assessment Questionnaire.  I do the quiz, not to see where I succeeded, but to be honest with myself as to where I fell short, where my ego got the best of me, where I judged too harshly, where I fell short of generosity and compassion.

Once I can view honestly my behavior and results from the year (remembering that results do not lie), I can then honestly and freely create the next week or month or year.  Doing this simple, yet demanding, task, has strengthened, and served my soul, not my ego. 

Success is Stumbling, Just Not Falling

I has taken me years to understand that what I think is success, isn't, and what I think is failure, isn't.
It occurs to me that success is a string of small stumbles and near misses, that add up to a sort of victory.  But it's no sure bet, or clean shot, or even easy access. 
Real success is the step by step win over the inner demons that tell me what a (fill in here)  I am, or how (blank)  is that, and on and on.  The incessant, constant judgement of myself and others, and yet to stand along side that and still take actions towards the goal, or dream;  that is true success.
As I am reminded by the yin/yang icon, there is the dark in the light and light in the dark.  You can't erase all of it, but you can embrace it.  I have found a kind of power in that.  A true sense of accomplishment.

Consider the Art of Breathing

Breath.  We breathe in and out.  Without that simple function, we expire.   Yet we take for granted this simple act of life.  Breath is one simple & elegant action we can take that allows us to experience the give and receive exchange that underlies our world.  We breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, the trees around us 'breathe' in carbon dioxide and 'breathe' out oxygen.  Exchange, it is what makes our world function, survive and thrive.  

The next thing to notice is that you don't have to struggle to breathe, you don't have to shake yourself  and tell yourself, "Oh, I forgot to breathe".  It occurs as a natural function of your life.  It is an effortless function.  

Maybe it's time to consider that exchange is the natural flow of the universe, and to allow yourself to be in the natural flow of the universe, take time to pay attention to your breath.  When you breathe in silently say to yourself, "I am receiving"  and when you breathe out say "I am giving".  

That simple exercise has helped me through some long dark moments and has heightened the loving kind moments to inexpressible joy.  Try it on.  See what you get.

Simple & Elegant

Meditation, or just stopping long enough for your mind to ease up, has opened my eyes to the simple  elegance of nature.  I live in Los Angeles, and in less than 2 hours drive in any direction,  I can be at the beach, or the mountains or the dessert.  No matter which environment I walk within, I am awed by nature, its abundance, intelligence and perisitence.  With all the stops and distructions that humanity tries to extend to our world, our world keeps working brilitatly and easily.  There is no strain, no struggle, just growth.  I see blades of grass pushing up through blocks of cement.  Cement cannot stop grass from growing. 

So why do we as human beings suffer, struggle, strife, feel that there is lack and limitation?  Why persist in that level of thinking, when to observe nature just the opposite is apparent?  Seems as if we want to struggle, we like the strain.  To really strain and struggle for success justifies that you deserve it.  What if there was no such thing as deserve or not deserve?  What if it had nothing to do with deserving at all?  What could we design our life around then?

What if it were true?

What if what all the Quantum Scientists, and the spiritual leaders have said for centuries, was true?  That we are all one?  That we are dynamically and energetically connected?  Our thoughts are just that 'our thoughts'. 
That if we want a better world, it starts with us, not 'them' changing to make us happy or comfortable or feel safe, but we change the thinking paradigm that we are trapped within of greed, lust, drama, lack, &  limitation. 
We stopped waiting for the politicians or bankers to change the world, but we changed so the 'money rulers' had to adjust to meet us?

What if we just tried that thought on for a few minutes a day each day.

I was raised in a world of complaints and victimization.  My parents, as great as they were, complained, so I learned to complain and see myself as a victim.  What if I could choose to re-think my life, circumstances, and beliefs, and allowed the greater power to develop within me, and think as the great masters have, the Gandhi's, Abraham Lincolns, Mother Theresa's, and all the other great ones that don't get the same exposure, but lived and breathed and supported our evolution just the same.  What if I choose to be guided by that?  What is possible?

It's a question worth investigating. 

Will I Ever Get Past Being a Teenager?

Watching on of my husband's favorite TV shows last night, Glee, I was chuckling on the 'teen drama' depicted in the show.  Both my husband and I agreed, it's a better show when they just sing and dance.
But that thought gave me pause, am I really beyond being an angst-filled, drama-induced teenager?

I certainly have days, sometimes weeks, filled with dramas, anger over perceived slights from friends, co workers or bosses.  Perhaps I haven't completely grown up or moved on?  Perhaps I still like my dramas, my upsets, my fantasies of how I am a diamond covered in coal and people just don't see past the coal to see my true worth.  LOL  The truth is, I 'know' better.

I know that no one will discover the true worth of me before I do and am willing to be at peace with myself.  I know that what I focus on will most likely come to fruition.

Every once in a while, I catch myself having dark desperate thoughts, and then putting the mental breaks on, saying something to the effect of, "Woa-woa-slow-down-stop-stop-stop".  In a crazy way, I actually saw that there is something hypnotic about the dramas I play out in my mind.  Something in all that some part of me likes. What is that all about, huh?

So, what do I do about it?  Perhaps that is where art, music and writing can play an unmeasurable part.  Giving us a place to put these dark thoughts, that we would never wish upon ourselves, or others, but we do need a place for it.  We cannot have the light without the dark.  And sometimes the dark is in the light and the light is in the dark.  It gives us a more rounded experience of life, a more balanced one.

Releasing Energy

"An integral being knows without going, sees without looking, and accomplishes without doing."  Lao Tzu

The first time I heard this quote, over 25 years ago, I thought, "I want some of that!".  As I visit this quote from time to time in my life, I have come to wonder if there isn't something about releasing resistance to what I think life is that could be a gateway towards this kind of integrity.
Perhaps what keeps me from being the integral being that I express the desire to be, is resistance I experience from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. 

Resistance to my friends and family being who and what they are, the economy being what it is, politicians being who they are, the media permeating and penetrating each moment telling me who and what I should be, and all the things and ideals that has been handed down from teachers, priests and authority figures since communication began.  All that could be pent up energy that the release of which....wow I can only imagine the difference.

Deepak Chopra says that if we really examine natures intelligence it functions with effortless ease and abandoned carefreeness.  What a wonderful idea to try on.  I could live my life through effortless ease, knowing that the power of my resistance-free emotions and thoughts will  manifest not only for my good but for the good of all around me.  I do not need to struggle, or hurt myself, or deny myself, or suppress myself, I can be one with the intelligence of how the world works. 

Negative Thinking is a Luxury I Can't Afford

It really comes down to realizing that my negative thoughts about my abilities is a luxury that keeps me not only stuck in the same patterns,  but also not taking any steps to grow and develop myself.

What else is there to say?  Self-doubt, worry and insecurities are things I use to keep me playing small, not taking the classes I need to gain new skills, or gain a greater physical ability. 

The constant nag of negative thinking is just that a nag.  It may never go away completely, but I can choose to bring myself forward to rise to the occasion of learning, growth and fulfillment. 

Things happen, I may not like the circumstances I am living within, but I can change my point of view form one of negative complaining to something else.  I have that choice at every moment. 

Creativity

We are moving from the age of information, to the age of creativity.  With information at our fingertips, or an Internet connection away, what I mean by that we no longer need to go somewhere to get information, or struggle to find information, we just need to go to Google and type in something close to the question or information we need and or want, information is an abundant commodity.  What is now the highest value is the creativity through which we use this information.  That is good news for us right-brained thinkers, the creatives which before this time have been less valued.  We have valued the left-brainers, the math & science people.  Now, do not misunderstand me, math, science technology will always be high value, but HOW the math and science and technology is applied will be the true test.

So, I have given myself some goals in expanding my creativity.  I am currently putting together a chocolate cookbook.  Chocolate recipes are everywhere, but how I put this together is the opportunity of my creativity.

I will also give myself the challenge to be creative in my blog.  to bring out my creative abilities in expression, language, and writing. 

How fun!

Daily Beauty

When I take a moment to become aware, to step aside from the fog of living day to day, with it's concerns, worries and frustrations, I see the majestic beauty of our planet. 
This beauty is expressed in each blade of grass, leaf on a bush and the branches of the trees in my backyard.
I don't have to go some place with expansive vistas, as wonderful and as beautiful as they are, I can see beauty all around me.
What a magnificent world.  I so want to be a reflection of that beauty, inside and out.
So, I choose to honor my body and mind with practices that support my care, health and development. It makes sense to me that if I want this world to last,  I can start is by believing in the spirit within, and do what I can to nurture that spirit. 
I can get trapped by the instant gratification of the media, of quick money schemes, or weight loss, or transformation.  However, there is not fast way to spiritual development. It takes a daily respect of self, not ego, but self to be a refection of the world I profess to love.  So, I keep my focus on loving, compassion and trust that if I follow this path, it will allow me the opening for the spirit within to manifest what I need each day, month and year to grow. 

Questioning Integrity

I have been pondering the notion of  integrity, what is integrity, and why has there been such a confusion between morality and integrity?  

I have no real answers. However, a thought drifted past my mind this morning in the state between sleep and awakening, what if the deepest break in a person's integrity is the inner dislike for self? 

I suffer from the disease of low self-esteem.  Funny how a disease sounds so trivial when you name is, but on the inside it wrecks so much havoc.

I have noticed that most of my life has been about my lack of self-worth and the constant challenge to gain validation, at best acceptance at least a place of feeling neutral.  

Here is what I've discovered, there is no such place unless one creates it.  But what is there to create?

What would I create if I thought I could? I would be self reliant, or self refereed, I would not have a concern about the good or bad opinion of others. I laugh a mocking laugh at myself, as it feels like a dream to live in that world. To build my ultimate integrity; it is time for me to create that world for myself.  Not wait for others to create it for me.

I remember, when I was a very young girl, African America women were not considered beautiful; at all.  And somewhere in the 70's "Black is Beautiful" was declared.  It grew from a deceleration.  .  Now look at the world in which we live, images of women are not limited to tall Swedish blonds, or Snow White raven haired pale white skinned youths.  

There is no other way worlds become alive and living for us; we declare them and live as if it were true, regardless of the circumstances.

So, this becomes the turning point:  I am whole and complete, a full expression of the life force which is unending, limitless, and ever present. 

Discovering True Worth

I've been spending too much mental time assessing my true worth based on outside influences.  And then, I looked at this picture. 

What is the true size of the ice?  That which is above the water?  That which can be seen?  Or is there something deeper, more powerful, more expansive that lies below the surface?

If my ego assumes that I am only the part of me that is seen, or valued from outside influences, I might never realize how capable, dynamic and influential I am. 

True worth is best revealed in times of challenges, other wise known as trying times or problems.  All the things my ego runs from.  I saw true worth in action this week while visiting the Orange County Community Foundation's annual meeting.  In 2008 they declared that in this time of financial upheaval, no service to the community would diminish, that they would pick up the slack.  Since that time, 2008-2011, they have granted over $100 million to local organizations to support education, health, arts and culture, human services and environment.  That is extraordinary, beyond what has been considered giving. It put them in the top 10% of Community Foundation across the nation. 

What I was present to was a willingness to work with the current circumstances and develop themselves to a higher level of leadership, compassion, influence and consciousness.  All capacities the live 'below' the water line.

Here's to awakening 'below the water'!