Monday was my first day back from a weekend retreat. The retreat was three days of meditation, both sitting and walking meditations. I attended this retreat as I have been challenged in several areas and wanted a guided time to disentangle my issues from the circumstances.
We all have circumstances, it's how we deal with these circumstances that determine our health, wealth, relationships, quality of life and experience of fulfillment. Lately my experience of fulfillment has been -5.
I began to ask the question; am I really so dependant on hearing 'thank you' or 'this is great' or even just an emotional acknowledgement from someone? In the absence of that why do I get all wound up, angry and wanting to take myself out of the game? Yes, I have old issues from my past of being ignored and expected to 'do the dirty work' because we don't want to. Yes, I would say we all have some of that happened to us.
I read a marvelous quote, "How people treat you is their karma, how you respond is yours".
I am dealing with an aging in-law who must be depressed as she cannot recognize an act of kindness, what she sees is what's missing or more accurately what's wrong with you. To say I've been upset by that is putting it mildly.
My action to take is a compassionate request to stop the behavior that upsets me, maybe something as simple as "I wish you wouldn't speak to me that way", or "Please look at me when you talk to me". I've discovered one can't behave 'as a creep' if you are in relationship with that person, or looking them in the eyes. All the anger dissipates. Mine as well.
More tomorrow!
Aging brings on its own issues, including anger and hostility towards the world in general. I see it in my 90 year old Mom. Not towards us, her children, but towards all others she regards as outsiders (in-laws). It's actually what happens to the brain and is "not personal" though still hard to "be with". Great of you to take this on and work on transforming it. Awesome work!
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