I had one of 'those days' yesterday.  Frustration multiplied at every turn. The last straw hit me when I was fumbling with assorted items I had just gotten at Costco.  While gathering them from my car, I dropped a new white cotton tank top in the muddy sewer water in the gutter and I lost it.  I exploded like a 5 year old who's told they can't have candy on Halloween.  Luckily, I had the thought "My neighbors are probably watching me", I paused and stopped.

That pause saved that moment and  the rest of my day, because I stopped the momentum of anger and frustration and got still.  Remarkably, the anger just vanished, I calmly picked up the now muddy tank top and the rest of my things and went into the house, washed the top, and went about my day.

It gave me pause to consider:  I've got to come to terms with all parts of myself if I'm ever to move forward.  That 5 year-old, who has temper tantrums, the greedy 8 year-old that likes candy before supper, the self-centered 13 year-old who mopes about the house.  All of it.  It is all in me.  And when I get pressed, or stressed, it all comes out.  There is no pill, or diet or chant or prayer that will eliminate those parts of myself.  Or fix what I think is irrepairable. 

Only compassion for the path I am on and the path that those around me are on.  Gentle compassion that tells the truth that the road is rough and uncertain now.  In those moments of compassion, or grace, I will turn the corner with ease.  It's  resistance to that 5, 8 and 13 year-old in me that gets me stuck in doubt worry and anger. 

Resistance and judgement that "I shouldn't be that way, I should be this way", or, " I know how it should be and this ain't it".  That level of thinking usually gets me stuck, unmoving unbending, and worse unreachable.  Truth be told, I'm not interested in being stuck. 

Here's to embracing all of life, as it is now.