Stress and you. Part one

An age old question seems to be: what causes stress and how can we manage it?

Stress seems to be the target all of our ills in todays fast paced living. Stress gets blamed for everything from Tiger Woods infidelities to Andre Agassi's drug abuse to Brittany's head shaving..
Display any of what we consider bad temper or destructive impulses and we say: stress did it.

Well, lets take a look at the causes of stress.

We think of stressful events as not only unpleasant, but more importantly sidestepping them at all costs. However, try as we might, stress wins every time, from traffic, to 'the kids' to school projects due next week, to work projects due 'yesterday', stress is a major focus.

Sometimes certain events press in on our minds such as financial uncertainty of the global economy, job losses, terrorists, gang violence, changes in our climate, it seems there is no escape. So the natural tendency is to try to bypass stressful situations, or ideas, but is that possible? It appears stress has been added to our list of unavoidable like death and taxes.

Somewhere on that beautiful tropical island, where we all want to live, drinking wine punch and nibbling on coconuts maybe these types of things don't happen, but in our current world with instant messaging and connections many situations are bound to happen. The question becomes can we alter our reaction to these events?

I've asked several people: What stresses you out?

There are two very separate categories of stressful things. Each had subsets within them.

The categories are: things not working and overwhelm or what I will call too much to do too little time

Part one of this article will look at the first: things not working. Part two deals with overwhelm and part three will give some tips and tequniques on handling reactions to stressful situations.

So things not working

As my friend Charlie R. said so clearly:
“When things I don't know how to fix break, or things I don't know how to handle fall apart, that's when I feel the most stressed.”

Dianne S. said:
“Traffic! Especially stop and go traffic, it feels like someone else in in control of my time and speed”

John P. said
It isn't just one thing it's usually a series of things that break or fall apart in succession, like I bought a computer desk and needed to put it together, the screw doesn't fit in the hole with the washer that came with the desk, so I try a new screw but the screwdriver that I had out doesn't work with that screw, I need to get another screwdriver from the tool drawer, now the drawer is stuck so I pull it faster than normal and it fly open and ll the tools in the drawer fall to the floor. That stresses me.”

Ann J. said:
“The computer! Things seem to be going well, then all of a sudden wham, nothing. I've got a virus I don't know how to stop it, or clean it up. I feel so incapable. I should know what to do.”

Steve L. said
“Driving in traffic. A few years ago I had a girlfriend in a city about a 1-2 hour dive away, on good days it was a one hour drive on bad days 2 hours, it took me quite a few moments to shake off that drive. Even though the rewards were great, I got to see my girlfriend, but the cost was too high.”

Mary K said:
“Not finding things. I don't know where things disappear to but one minute there are there and the next gone! Where did they go? I spend time looking for something that should be easy to find.”

Carl W. said:
“When something isn't going well in my relationship and I don't know what to say, or if I should say anything.”

Dan M.
“My job, when I don't get the contract signed, or don't get the client what they need on time, it just gets frustrating.”


All these are under the heading: Thing don't work, or aren't working like they should, or this is not how I thought it would be. How we pictured it in our minds is not matching up with how it currently is.
But it isn't merely that our pictures aren't lining up, what happens is we stop functioning and feel that we've tried and failed. “I give up!” Is the resounding call.
Not just failed today, but somewhere where it really matters, where people are keeping score, we've failed.

That appears to be the common denominator in this level of stress. The interesting thing is we have in expectation of our behavior, or the results we are supposed to produce and it's clearly not being met. Bingo! Our stress meter goes way high.

Part Two: Overwhelm or too much to do too little time.