A Conversation Worth Having

Through most of my teenage and young adult years I loved talking with friends through the night about God, eternity, traveling in space like Star Trek, true love, and many more topics I'm sure I have forgotten even though they were very important at the time.

Recently, a trainer of mine asked me "Was this a conversation worth having?", in reference to our conversation.  I had never been asked that question before, and I noticed all the emotions that come up within the question.  I wanted to make her feel valued and say yes, I felt pressured to say yes because that was the 'nice' thing to do, I also saw where the conversation was not worth having because I didn't talk enough, and all sorts of other judgements came flying into my mind. 

I actually told her I couldn't answer her authentically yet as I was so busy judging and evaluating from a negative position that anything I would say would be a fabrication. 

I thought of the fox and the grapes, a story from Aesop's Fables.  the fox viewing lovely grapes gives up as he can't reach them, and justifies them by saying "they were probably sour anyway."

Often I give up and don't allow myself to struggle through the uncertainty of real thinking, the challenges of our times, and the self imposed pressures to be a 'good person'.  Living authentically is a conversation worth having, it presses and pull and stretches, and it is worth the never ending discipline to develop.