'Either Or' World

I have been upset concerning a friends behavior.

She had asked me to start a committed group of people to support each other in going beyond what is comfortable and easy. She said she noticed she had stopped growing and wanted a way to support getting in shape or what ever goals we had put down for ourselves.

She was very clear who she wanted in the group and who she didn't. Okay, I understand.

So, we start the group and design a once a month meeting and a Monday night call. In less than two months she is leaving the group, because it's not doing what she wants it to do.

Wow, I thought how passive aggressive. To leave something you create because you are not getting 'your needs met'.

What happened to communication? What about working with the people or person to clear up what you need, and ask for a different focus? What happened there?

As I examined her behavior I saw that she is in an either/or world. "Either 'X' or 'Y'. Either you change or I'm leaving, either you do this or I will do that.

That's what makes nations go to war, people commit murder, adultery, rob, steal, lie, cheat, and on and on.

I understand it's hard to communicate, it's challenging to push through old patterns of suppression, withholding, and silently judging others. That's when I saw my behavior, when I do that. I'm living in the same either/or world as she.

If I want her to realize what she is doing, I will need to realize when I am doing it. If I want our world to alter, transform and become effective, I will need to step up. I will need to communicate my needs and hold the space for all of it to work out.